Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
