Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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