So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
