So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
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Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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