btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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