i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
