You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
