My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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