Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
