You smell like a Billy Joel song
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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