yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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