it was like eating out sand paper
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
third nipple confirmed
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
