He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
