Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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