Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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