I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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