____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
