Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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