nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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