You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
