my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
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she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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