a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
