Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
