Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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