Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize