We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
