Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
