I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
