How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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