apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
