I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
