apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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