shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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