Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
