just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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