I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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