If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
