Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
