No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
