you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
