I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
