I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
