She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You have to summon your inner elephant
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
