with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
