Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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