i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
