how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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