If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm both gender and math confused
Are these your boobs on my camera?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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