Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
