Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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