Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
