it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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