U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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