if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize