i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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