you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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