I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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