You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
