Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
