oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
