i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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